AOL on-line ’Reminders’
For those of you not on or familiar with American on Line (AOL), they have recently started putting up a message when you’ve been online for 46 minutes making sure you are really there and active. A typical session could end up looking like this:
You have been online for 46 minutes:
Do you want to stay online?
Please respond within 10 seconds or you will be logged off
You have been online for 92 minutes:
Not to put any pressure on you, but there ARE other people in the world Let’s show some consideration and sign off, what do you say?
You do realize that you’ve been online for 184 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside? Don’t you have any worthwhile hobbies or anything?
OK. This is getting ridiculous now!
you’ve been online for 200 minutes, and frankly, you’re starting to piss us off!
If you sign off now, we’ll bring back your Buddy List OK?
You have been online for 260 minutes now!!
We promised you unlimited time, we know...
BUT can’t you just finish up now and go read a good book?
You have been online for 307 minutes:
Do you remember your family members’ names?
Aren’t you tired/thirsty/hungry?
You have been online for 373 minutes:
Your spouse has left you and your dog is starving.
Do you wish to remain online?
You have been online 424 minutes:
We’re dispatching someone to your house to yank the phone cord I mean, we’ve been more than patient with ya
You have been online 452 minutes:
Do you KNOW how many hours that is???
Log off now, avoid unnecessary violence and bloodshed
You have been online for 481 minutes:
Do you know how many complaints we get about busy phone lines? Do you realize that AOL receives 9.21 lawsuits per day over this? Do you care?
You have been online for 537 minutes:
When AOL went unlimited we didn’t think you’d take it literally Now get the Hell off-line before we go broke!
You have been on 619 minutes:
This is Steve (your CEO) I need to sign on myself and do some mail. Could you please sign off? Thanks!
You have been cybering for 659 minutes:
Didn’t your mom ever tell you that’d make you go blind?
Sign off now while you can still read this message
You have been on 793 minutes:
Welcome to our team...
See job application enclosed (If ya can’t beat em, hire em) But don’t return by unreliable e-mail